Having healthy boundaries in relationships applies not only to romantic relationships but also to professional relationships, friendships, family relationships and any relationship you can think of with another person. In order to establish healthy boundaries, you must first get to know yourself a little bit. What is acceptable? What do you ask for or expect in a relationship? Does the other person know this? Often times we have expectations for the behavior of others that we may not communicate. These are called “unspoken contracts.” What is intuitive to you in relationship may not be so intuitive to the people you are interacting with. Our belief systems and expectations are formed through years of personal experience and exposure to the world, which cannot be the same from person to person. So first get to know yourself. Understand how you tick. Then look to your relationships.
A word that is being used a lot these days is “empath.” You may have read a short article about what it means to be an empath, like this one. Empaths are essentially folks who are more sensitive to the energies of others, and it is easier for them to absorb or take on those energies (particularly negative energies). If you identify as an empath, it is especially important for you to be able to identify an establish healthy boundaries for yourself to avoid taking on more negative energy from others than is good for you. On the other hand, if you operate more like an enclosed submarine in relationships (I tend more toward this one), you may not let the energies and moods of others affect you but you also may struggle to share your own internal experience with others. If this is more you, it is equally as important to identify that so that you can practice opening up a little more in relationship.
Imagine a circle. If the circle is completely closed, not letting anything in or out, you may be closed off to the ability to create meaningful relationships and deep connection with others. Your personal boundaries may be too tight. But if the circle has holes everywhere, it is difficult to manage what comes in and out, so you may be experiencing the emotions of others as if they were your own while simultaneously spilling your own emotions out all over the place. In this case your boundaries may not be strong enough. Healthy boundaries in relationships fall somewhere in the middle of these two scenarios. You can allow the emotions and energies of others affect your experience, this is an example of empathy and builds connection, but learn to recognize when that goes too far. Likewise, you can share your own emotions and energies with others, but also recognize when that may be going too far for them. Develop personal and situational awareness.
It is also important to note that the boundaries you establish for yourself may vary situation to situation. Your professional boundaries will hopefully look much different than your romantic boundaries. Your boundaries with a close friend won’t be the same as with someone you first meet. But even those these boundaries may vary, it is worth looking at how happy you are with the existing boundaries you have established. Is there room for improvement in any these relationships?
There is no universal definition of what healthy boundaries in relationships look like, as it will vary person to person and situation to situation. It is, however, important in healthy relationships to develop self-awareness around your personal boundaries, and to recognize when you may be absorbing too much energy from someone else (or not sharing enough of your own).