Stop Overcomplicating Things

Have you ever had the experience of buying into the hype of a gadget that will supposedly make your life easier? I do this a lot, particularly with kitchen tools. I see the ad, and I imagine myself blissfully playing with my son while my perfectly cooked dinner simmers away in an Instapot on the counter. Or smiling as I squeeze deliciously unappealing homemade baby food moosh into pouches that surely he will love. Or getting the food processor and the blender and the juicer because really I want it all. I am not buying convenience when I buy these things. I am buying the illusion of simplicity. In times when I so desperately feel a need to pare my life down I am particularly susceptible to the guile of marketing. But at the end of the day, what I end up with, is clutter. I have overcomplicated my cabinets. I have invested in something new and confusing and exciting for a couple of rounds before it gets retired to the back of the cupboard. And I pretend it isn’t there. Or I give it away so as to forget it ever existed. Because my life is never simpler as a result of these gadgets, it is always more complicated. 

I do this with personal growth too. I drift between exciting developments in neuroscience, and the law of attraction, and eastern philosophy, and the biology of the introverts, and exploring the nature of vulnerability or any number of other topics that grabs my eye. For the searching soul, we find temptations to seek that which we already believe in self-help philosophy. This is because we are all susceptible to confirmation bias. We seek what validates our beliefs. We rarely seek to challenge it. So as we quest for that thing, that thought, that belief that will help take us to the next level of growth, that will simplify everything, we may also be inadvertently obscuring the path to our higher selves.

We are born wise. We spend our lives cultivating our own blend of beliefs, ideas and cognitions that add to our individuation. Our experiences are filtered through our unique lenses, coloring our perception of everything. As we age we add new experiences, beliefs, struggles, fears, hopes, emotions, stories, and thinking patterns into our sense of self. Without realizing it, we cumulatively complicate our lives. The simplicity of childhood escapes us as adults. There is too much to worry about, too much to work for, too much responsibility. We layer the immeasurable stimuli of each new day onto the previous, continuously adding to the storehouse of who we are. We seek wisdom in our age, attempting to outrun old mistakes and avoid new ones. We seek solace from our worries. We seek respite. And we easily forget that the we carry the respite within. We were born with it. And it is still accessible, if we can strip away the layers of unnecessary complications we have added to our lives.

Why You Should Stop Multi-tasking

I have given up on multi-tasking completely, it’s junk. I have found that I am much more effective if I fully focus on what I do. I have compartmentalized my life so that I can give my full attention to each aspect of my life throughout the day. I do my best not to juggle multiple projects or tasks. I do my best not to flip my attention back and forth between things. When I turn away from my son to do the dishes, I know that I am consciously choosing to focus on my home rather than my family, and by doing this I can more quickly accomplish the task at hand so that I can turn my attention back to the things that matter the most to me. 

“People can’t multitask very well, and when they say they can, they are deluding themselves,” says neuroscientist Earl Miller. “The brain is very good at deluding itself.”

New research suggests that humans aren’t capable of multi-tasking at all, and the idea of productivity while multi-tasking is a myth. When we think we are multitasking, all we are doing is switching our attention from one task to the other, without giving either task the attention it needs. We are having to constantly re-gather information to come back to previous tasks and get started on them again. Studies have shown that we frequently overestimate our ability to multi-task. You can’t do it, so stop trying. 

Giving up the attempt at multi-tasking is the only way that I can balance everything in my life. I am a single working mom with a budding business. I am not one who can operate effectively on anything less than eight hours of sleep, and ideally more. I have divided my day into predictable routines to cut down on the number of decisions I have to make. I choose to focus fully on whatever I have turned to within each block of time that makes up the structure of my life. 

When I am at work, I work hard. Really hard. I stay on task and accomplish a lot. I have a ton of responsibility in my role, and I could easily bring work home with me, even if only in thought. But I do my best to leave work at work. Most of the time I am successful. I hold a boundary with myself not to check my email unless I am prepared to work in that moment. I have a “Do Not Disturb” setting on my phone that is active from 8pm to 7am. I don’t look at me email in the morning before heading to work unless all of my other goals have been accomplished (which is rare).

I also block out times of my day to clean, exercise, play with my son, cook, meal prep, practice self-care and work on the business. I never get everything done. But I do a lot, and generally I do it well. I think this is because I have scrapped the idea of trying to multitask altogether. I am so much more efficient now. I have to be. 

Manifestation: Is it Real?

Let’s Talk about Secrets

The Secret, published in 2006, kicked off a spiritual wave of investment in the idea that thoughts can create reality. The book was a rapid success. To date it has sold over 30 million copies worldwide, and the idea of manifestation has swept into the mainstream buzz. The Secret’s secret is grounded in the Law of Attraction, which simply states that like attracts like, so what we think is what we get. It was immediately appealing to many in its simplicity: just visualize your ideal life, and the universe or god or whatever greater power you believe in will conspire to make it happen. That’s all, just picture it. Done. I’m in. I mean, who wouldn’t want to buy into this armchair manifestation of dreams? It seems so easy. All I have to do is imagine it? Sign me up. But while it is necessary to be able to imagine your ideals as clearly as possible if ever you are to achieve them, it doesn’t stop there. (Cue the disappointed wah wah wah).  It takes conscious action, however small, beyond the visualizing, in order to begin to move in the direction of your dreams. If you fall asleep at night imagining the life you want to be living, then wake up the next day and do the exact same things as the day before, you aren’t going to get anywhere beyond where you already are. 

We are of the stars

The idea of sharing a connection to a great cosmic benefactor is not a new idea, and is the basis of many religions and spiritual schools of thought. Not only is the great and powerful force working outside of us, it is also within us. We are a part of it, and carry it with us. We are connected to everything and everyone and everything and everyone is connected to us. Golden Rule, anyone?

The Buddhists call it Prana, the life force, the universal energy that flows in and around us. The idea of Prana is connected deeply to our breath, and the practice of Pranyama, one of the eight limbs of yoga, focuses on breath control. Similar to Prana, Qi is the ancient Chinese vital living force that is part of all living entities. A rough translation of Qi is “air,” and Qi is also connected to the idea of breath as the source of the vital life energies.  

The Tao, of Lao Tszu’s Tao te Ching, is roughly translated as “the way.” It is the combination of yin and yang and is the absolute principle underlying the universe. Taoists believe in cosmic harmony, and that this force springs from everything (including us). They would say that the forces of both light and dark are present within us all, and to achieve zen, the deeply peaceful state of bliss and contentment, one must find balance with these forces and essentially “go with the flow.” Philosopher Alan Watts says of Taosim: 

“Taoists view the universe as the same as, or inseparable from, themselves so that Lao-tzu could say, “Without leaving my house, I know the whole universe.” This implies that the art of life is more like navigation than warfare, for what is important is to understand the winds, the tides, the currents, the seasons, and the principles of growth and decay, so that one’s actions may use them and not fight them.” 

The Holy Spirit in Christianity is third divinity in the Holy Trinity, the other two being God and Jesus, and is said to reside in all born-again Christians. This force brings the essence of God into physical form, carrying ethical characteristics with it. 

But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. John 14:16.

Kabbalah is a Jewish mystic tradition, rooted in the teachings of the Torah. Kabbalah is concerned with the interactions between the planes of reality and divine emanations, and how the evolved from and affect one another. The seder hishtalshelut is the process by which divine energy (or "light", in kabbalistic terminology) devolves from higher spiritual planes to lower ones, eventually to become manifest in this physical plane of existence.

Spooky Science

A more modern concept of this universal oneness comes in the form of Biocentrism, Robert Lanza’s “Theory of Everything.” He argues that rather than the universe creating life, life created the universe, and consciousness is the great creator. His theory relies heavily on quantum physics, using exciting new` developments in the field as a catalyst for philosophic thought grounded in science. One particular example comes from quantum entanglement, or the idea that two particles created together are inextricably linked, and will demonstrate this connection across the barrier of space. In 1997 Swiss researcher Nicholas Gisin proved this by creating entangled photons and sending them flying in opposite directions down miles of optical fibers. One encountered an interferometer where it could take one of two paths chosen randomly. Researchers found that when one photon took a particular path, its particular twin (miles away) took the complimentary path at exactly that moment, every time. 

Another impressive element of quantum theory is the called the Wave-Function collapse, also known as the Copenhagen Interpretation, which is the idea that a physical particle or photon exists in a state of possibility and only assumes a definite state of existence once it is observed. Dubbed quantum weirdness, this is shown again and again in the famous “two-hole” experiment, which has been performed numerous times with numerous variations. This experiment shows that if one watches a subatomic particle or bit of light pass through slits on a barrier, it behaves like a particle. But if scientists don’t observe the particle, then it exhibits the behavior of waves that retain the right to exhibit all possibilities. For some reason I’m imagining a playful wave dancing around saying “You can’t see me, you can’t see me,” and then melting into a particle puddle of disappointed reality once observed. Poor thing.

Note: these are not waves of material but waves of probability, or statistical predictions, made famous by the Nobel Prize-Winning Austrian physicist Erwin Schroedinger in his famous papers wave mechanics published in 1926, resulting in his landmark creation of what is known as the Schroedinger Equation. Schroedinger is also known for his thought experiment called “Schroedinger’s Cat,” in which he placed a theoretical cat into a box with a trap that could kill the cat. Until the box was opened, the cat existed in two possible states: alive or dead, and would not assume one or the other in the mind of the observer until the box was opened. This thought experiment was actually created in order to challenge the Copenhagen Interpretation of his equation, which he did not agree with.

So…what we see is what we get?

The idea of our observations influencing our realities is an interesting one. Imagine this: what we see is a series of photons collected by ocular neurons and projected as an image in our mind. In a way, our perception of the object is more real to us than the actual object itself. Taking it a step further, our perceptions themselves our influenced by our thought patterns and belief systems, ultimately impacting our entire experience of the world. What’s more, our brains have a difficult time distinguishing what is real and what is not. Take visualization for example. 

A study found that visualization techniques can actually hamper success in some cases. This is because the brain has a hard time sorting between what is real and what is imagined, and receives a positive reward just for thinking about something positive in the future. The energy required to visualize often takes away from the energy required to act, leading to decreased chances of success. This is particularly true on short term or immediate goals. Imagining getting an A on the test isn’t enough, we still need to study. But participants found they had less motivation to complete the preparatory tasks after the visualization of success than before the visualization exercise. It is important to recognize the ways in which the brain can mislead us. Yes, visualizing success and happiness and abundance feels good. It feels really good. It feels even better to believe it is inevitable once the pieces are put into play, and that some beautiful awesome power is working with you to get you what you want. 

But what does it all mean?

This takes us back to the Law of Attraction, and the belief that we can manifest our dream reality through thought. Could it be so? If everything exists in a state of possibility until we observe it, and our perception of what is real is influenced by our thoughts and is ultimately unreliable anyway, and we have untapped universal creative energy flowing through us, then why couldn’t we create our ideal reality?

With all of this, I say we listen to Bruce Lee: “Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own.” If it works, use it. If it doesn’t, don’t. It’s that simple. No one has the end all be all answer to life that will satisfy every mind on the planet. If it exists we don’t know about it yet. There will always be detractors to whatever it is you choose to believe. There will always be someone who disagrees, emphatically, with you. But we know there is power in belief. So if our imagined ideal is real enough to our brains to cause a chemical reaction inciting the reward pathway as if we were actually experiencing it, then that alone proves the point that manifestation works. You’re experiencing it. If what we see is real to us, and anything is possible until we see it, then let’s imagine the best that we can be. Let’s just don’t get stuck at imagining.

Sources:

1 Source: http://www.thelawofattraction.com/what-is-the-law-of-attraction/

2 Source: Yoga Journal,  8 Limbs of Yoga.  https://www.yogajournal.com/practice/the-eight-limbs

3 Source:  Frantzis, Bruce (2008). The Chi Revolution: Harnessing the Healing Power of Your Life Force. Berkeley, California: Blue Snake Books.

4 Source: https://creativesystemsthinking.wordpress.com/2015/07/31/the-taoist-view-of-the-universe-alan-watts/

5 Source: https://www.chabad.org/kabbalah/article_cdo/aid/380714/jewish/Contemplative-and-Practical-Kabbalah.htm

6 Source: Lanza, Robert PhD. Biocentrism. 2009, BenBella Books. Dallas, TX. 

7 Source: Violation of Bell Inequalities by photons more than 10km apart, W Tittel, J. Brendel, H. Zbinden, and N. Gisin, Phyiscal Review Letters 81, 3563 (1998). 

8 Wimmel, Hermann (1992). Quantum Physics and Observed Reality: A Critical Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics. Word Scientific. p.2. 

9 Griffiths, David J. (2004), Introduction to Quantum Mechanics (2nd ed.), Prentice Hall.

10 Schrodinger, Erwin (November 1935), “Die gegenwartige Situation in der Quantenmechanik” (The Present Situation in Quantum Mechanics). Naturwissenschaften (48): 807-812.

11 Kappes, Heather Barry, Oettingen, Gabriele. “Positive Fantasies about Idealized Futures Sap Energy.” Journal of Experimental Psychology, Vol 47, Issue 4. July 2011. (719-729).

Lessons in Snow

I learned how to snowboard in Jackson Hole when I was 19. When I was 20 I worked as an instructor in Steamboat Springs. I believed the best way to become really good at something was to teach it. I was not skilled enough teach the expert classes, or even intermediate for that matter, but I was fine teaching beginners. And while I taught, I learn. 

I learned a few lessons from snowboarding that I could apply to life (humility being one). I also learned to look where I was going. The first time I skied through trees I was terrified. My friends told me: “Whatever you do don’t look at the trees.” I didn’t really understand that advice, it was extremely counter-intuitive. I wanted to be able to identify the obstacles so as not to hit them, yet sure as snow if I looked at the trees I quickly found myself zooming in that direction. So I learned to look in between the trees. I looked where I wanted to go, and ignored where I didn't. I'll never forget the first time I allowed myself to go fast in the trees, dangers blurring past my periphery in an exhilarating and terrifying ride. I loved it. 

I applied the same logic to my lessons. I told beginners to look in the direction they wanted to go, and the body will make subtle adjustments to get them there. If we were to slow down and consciously think about every tiny movement required to go in a particular direction, we’d be hitting the trees before we really got going. And I learned to trust the wisdom of my body. So long as I knew where to go, it often knew how to get me there. Too much thinking only got in my way. 

I believe the Law of Attraction works in a similar way. If we point our attention and focus onto the things we don’t want, I believe we often subconsciously steer ourselves in that very direction. We manifest our focus without even realizing it. We seem to carry more wisdom in our bodies than we tend to give ourselves credit for. So it may be worth it to pause every so often, and assess your direction. What are you focusing on? Where do you want to go? How might you be taking yourself out of your way?

Seeing

Because once you see you can’t unsee.

Do you know what your ideal life looks like? How many times have you given intentional and dedicated thought to your future aspirations? And not just your things, or your accomplishments. That is not what I mean. How many times have you allowed yourself to visualize how your ideal life feels? Who are you in this imagined life? Are you living it now?

In 2013 I started asking these questions. I began to imagine a single day in my perfect life. I enjoyed it, as a sort of escape fantasy. I constructed my house down the details of the outdoor kitchen for large gatherings and a sunny yoga room. I had a large garden, and a running path through the woods. I had a daughter, about 9 years old in the vision. While I couldn’t see her face she was a critical part of the dream. I had a teaching job at the local university where I felt empowered and autonomous in my field. Interestingly, I did not have a partner in these visions. I was in a relationship at the time, but I could not imagine him with my ideal self, in my ideal life. This is very interesting to me in hindsight, because at the time I was hoping for a marriage proposal.

There are other interesting things about this visualization. Social gatherings were an integral part, yet I didn’t have stable and lasting relationships in my life. I still don’t, if we’re being honest. I had a yoga room and a meditation practice, yet at the time I believed I was incapable of either of those things. I was too overweight and clumsy for yoga, and my mind moved too swiftly for meditation. I had a garden yet I had never grown anything to harvest. I couldn’t even keep succulents alive. I hated running, and I believed I was out of shape and incapable of endurance sports. I wanted to be a mom, but believed that I would need to be a wife first. I also believed that I was unworthy of a loving commitment. So that was certainly out of the picture. And who would ever want to hear anything I had to say in a public forum? Certainly I would never become an expert in anything, not enough to teach it. Not enough to feel confident. Not enough, not enough, not enough.

This was the core of my sabotage. The belief that I was not enough, for any aspect of my dream. I truly believed that. This narrative was so entrenched into my concept of self that I didn’t even notice it. I didn’t recognize the voice saying: “That’s not actually you in that dream. That’s someone else, some other woman who’s stronger and smarter and more confident. There’s no way that could ever be you.” And without even realizing it, I believed it. 

But I think that by actively visualizing my ideals, something within me unlocked. I didn’t notice it at first but I kept feeling drawn back to that vision. And over time, without my conscious awareness, I started making small changes that moved me closer to it. 

In February of 2018 I had the sudden and stark realization that I had achieved much of that dream. It was like finally surfacing above water after a long struggle to ascend. I began to shatter the limitations of my unhealthy belief system, and I was entering into a new way of experiencing life. I will speak to that more in another post.

For now, let’s focus on you. 

We are going to begin with an exercise. Read through the exercise first, then close your eyes and focus on the prompts. Find a comfortable position somewhere you can be uninterrupted for twenty minutes. You will not need more than that at this time. When you have settled into your space and feel able to focus, I want you to imagine your life, some time into the future.

I want you to imagine the best version of your life that you can think of. Imagine the best version of yourself. I want you to think through an average day, in this best life as your best self, from wake to sleep. Begin walking through your day now. 

It is morning. What time are you waking up? What is the first thing you see? What is your room like? Who, if anyone, is with you? How do you feel?

As you begin to move through your day, what do you notice about your surroundings? What is the first thing you choose to do? How do you feel?

At breakfast, what are you eating? Who else is with you? What are conversations like? How do you feel?

Imagine it is time for work. Where do you work? Do you have to travel for work? What do you do? How do you feel?

Think through your ideal working day. Is it 9-5? Do you set your own hours? What is the pace? What are the people like? How do you feel?

Now it is time to focus on your self-care. What do you do to show love to yourself? How do you take care of your body? How do you take care of your mind? How do you take care of your energy? How do you feel?

Let’s head back home now. Looking from the outside, what does your home look like? Where is it? What are you most proud of it about your home? How do you feel?

Heading inside, what strikes you most about your space? Who is with you? How do you feel?

As you begin the evening, what do you do? What is on the menu for dinner? Are you gathering with others, or are you taking it easy on your own? How do you feel?

Now it is time to wind down for the evening, what do you do? What do you notice? How do you replenish yourself after your day? How do you feel? 

Take a few minutes of silence to reflect on your ideal self, in your ideal day. When you are ready, step back into the present moment. 

After reflecting on your ideal self, in your ideal day, what do you notice? Was anything surprising? What was the clearest and easiest to visualize? What seemed fuzzy?

Most importantly, how did you feel? 

If you feel inclined, journal about your experience. Consider revisiting the exercise, but focus on a different time in the future. And remember always, no matter what the voice in your head may whisper, it is critical that you find a way to return to your vision of your best self. Because if you are able to do that, things will begin manifesting in ways you can’t yet imagine.

Learning to Suffer

So often I compare myself to others, in so many ways. I downplay my strengths and successes and magnify those of others. I magnify my weaknesses and mistakes, and downplay those of others. I also invalidate my own struggles in comparison to the gravity of suffering that others experience. There is an entire meme devoted to poking fun at this tendency called “First World Problems.” Like this one:

I often turn to gratitude as an antidote for suffering. Most of the time, that is the most appropriate thing I could do. There is so much to be grateful for and we are so good at forgetting that. But to deny the existence of my pain is to deny the opportunity to feel the immeasurable depths of my gratitude. 

I can think of many examples when I  was struggling with something, and then compared it to all of those less fortunate. This immediately invalidated the struggle I was experiencing. How could I fret over my weight or appearance, when others in the world are starving? How could I allow myself to get lost in the depths of Post-Partum Depression, when other women have lost their babies? How could I wrestle with addiction, when others don’t have clean water? How could I even entertain the idea that I suffer, when I am so fortunate? Maybe the quality and source of suffering depends on who we are and the body of our experience. Maybe all types of suffering deserve to be taken seriously, no matter how great or small. Maybe suffering is an undeniable, and necessary, part of the human experience. 

I think that is what Viktor Frankl meant when he said “Suffering is like a gas, in that it fills its container completely.” Viktor Frankl is a holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning. It’s absolutely worth a read if you haven’t already. He noticed that survival seemed to transcend the physical body in the concentration camp he was in, and some people who seemed like they should survive didn’t. Others who seemed like they should die didn’t. He wondered why, and puts it down to hope. Those without hope couldn’t survive in those conditions. He also argued that it was pointless to compare your suffering to anyone else’s, because, like a gas, the amount doesn’t matter. Whether we have a little suffering or a lot of suffering, it fills us up completely. It permeates every bit of our being. 

Suffering is part of the human condition, and in the absence of great suffering sometimes our brains will manufacture it. That’s okay. That may be a time when swinging back to gratitude is appropriate. However, there are other times when we are truly suffering, and we do ourselves (and our pain) a disservice by focusing the spotlight onto someone else. Our suffering deserves to be seen by us. Just because it isn’t as great as someone else’s doesn’t make it any less real. There are lessons in our suffering. Recipes for growth and evolution live in our suffering. And we all know what it means to suffer. So let’s stop invalidating that, just because someone else has it worse. Let’s practice changing our suffering to hope. We owe it to the human race to seize every opportunity to become better humans, even if those opportunities come from the depths of our pain.

Story Time: Sunflowers

The Sunflowers

When I was eight we had a plan to meet with the aliens. We were certain they came to the forest at the end of the road on Friday nights. The forest, which was really more like a small stand of trees, was adjacent to a field of sunflowers and that is what attracted the aliens to that spot in the first place. They came at night in blue ships with bright lights. In all of the planning to come see the aliens, we didn’t consider the conservative curfews placed on us by our parents. When it became plain to us that the plan wouldn’t work, being that it hinged on our nighttime presence in the forest, we moved on and the aliens were forgotten. 

The sunflowers are what I remember best about that place. Taller than me, their heavy heads bobbed and danced in the breeze. The density and darkness of the field was a direct contrast to their name, as if their greedy flower faces sucked up all the sunshine in the world. I was scared to go in there, but it was peaceful and safe enough to walk alongside the flower field, hands lazily drifting along the stalks as we walked. 

That is the interesting thing about memory I guess. Sometimes all you have is a brief snapshot imprinted on the halls of your heart. The image may stay clear, but the edges often fade. I don’t remember the names or faces of the kids I was with, or even how many there were. I don’t remember the color of the houses, or what season it was. But I remember the aliens with their blue ships, bright lights and Friday night visits. And I remember the sunflowers. 

I wrote this in response to an assignment in a book called "The Artist's Way." If ever you are wanting to incite your own creativity, for anything, I can't recommend this book enough.

Carrots

Tonight I realized how I was getting in my own way. The goals and dreams I have been focused on are as unachievable as ever because I have subconsciously created patterns that act as a subterfuge for my own desires. Even more brilliantly (way to go Lauren), I have convinced myself that I am moving toward them. I have created my own carrot on a stick. And acted a fool. 

Don’t worry, I don’t say any of that with anger or judgment. It’s more fascinating than anything. And I certainly don’t mean that I have interfered with all of my goals and dreams. Really, right now, I’m talking about just one. 

I’m talking about my career. I have a strong pull to create something, to give, to start something new. It isn’t exactly clear how, or what, but I know I am drawn toward being my own boss. My self-deprecating narratives (which have been so helpful at protecting me from disappointment and failure in the past) aren’t really serving me anymore. And I see that. They don’t hold as much power over me as they used to, and realizing that is empowering and intoxicating. I am riding the high of self-actualization. Almost.

Yet I spend more time in a fantasy career than in taking steps toward actually creating something. Why?

I am afraid. I am afraid that my voice won’t matter, that it won’t be interesting, that whatever I create and give to the world will be rejected, that I won’t be good enough. 

Okay, so those self-deprecating narratives are still in place. They’ve just created some new defenses of their own. One being: inaction.

Sloth. Laziness. Distraction. Exhaustion. 

Rather than doing the things that I should be doing in order to move toward my goal, I distract. Hours of mindless television or surfing the internet, getting sucked down into a rabbit hole of mediocre clickbait articles that I am marginally interested in. Checking my work email again, even though I know it could all wait until tomorrow and I don’t even want to get sucked into thoughts of work anyway. Getting caught up in house projects that were never that important to me in the first place. 

Maybe all of this distraction is just a form of procrastination. Structured procrastination, that is. Putting off all of the things I don’t want to do until something else comes up that I want to do even less. 

But really, as long as fear and self-doubt are in the driver seat, I will never take action that exposes me to risk. To vulnerability. To the possibility of a public failure. I will never take that one small step in the direction of my dreams if the footing isn’t solid, or the path isn’t safe. 

But I have been hearing a persistent drumming in my soul lately, and I have felt a pull. It is time to write, with risk. It is time to fumble, but act. So here I am. 

Eat that carrot. 

Why You Should Take a Look at Your Core Beliefs

Each of us has a different internal belief structure. I don’t mean religious beliefs, though that may play into your individual belief system. I am talking about what we believe about how the world is, or should be. Or how people are, or should be. Or how you are, or should be. What is true for you may not be true for me. Our beliefs are crafted through our experiences, and reinforced over and over again in our lives. That is how two people can experience the same event in a different way. Our most core beliefs, the strongest and deepest of them, can often be difficult to connect to, because it requires humility, self awareness, personal accountability, and vulnerability. Our beliefs are often irrational. We may be able to recognize, even in the moment of an intense emotional experience, that our beliefs may not be entirely true or real. But our emotional experience stems from our connection to our beliefs, so the better we understand them the more likely we are to begin to be able to shift them.

So where do beliefs come from? Our core belief systems are formed as we age and develop. They can also come from experiences later in life. Maybe someone told us we were ugly once, and it hurt. Then someone else said the same thing. And even though this happened a long time ago, a part of us internalized it and started to believe it. And over time we found validation of this belief in our external circumstances. A belief I often butt up against is “I’m not good enough” or “I’m unworthy.” I see this come up in relationships, in friendships, in jobs, or anything really that I want to do. Even in writing this blog that belief comes up for me. I’ve cultivated awareness around it over many years of introspection, so I can recognize it most of the time, but for a long time I was reacting to things that stimulated that belief without fully understanding why I was feeling so hurt or powerless.

The more aware of our beliefs we are the less power they have over us. Our beliefs are just thoughts. They aren't necessarily true or false. They are the lense through which we see the world. They are our rose colored glasses. Or maybe they are darker than that. But just because we think it doesn’t mean it is real. Just because we believe it doesn’t mean it is real. And even though our belief systems, particularly our strongest core beliefs, make up the foundation of who we are, it doesn’t mean they can’t be changed. Our thoughts, beliefs, and actions are the only things we can ever truly control. We give our power away if we believe otherwise. True power comes not in controlling our external worlds, but our internal ones.

Here is an example. Recently at work I was given a project of scanning about a million files (obviously a million is an exaggeration, but it was a lot). Working for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week only on scanning and it still would take several weeks. Initially I wanted to work fast, and multi-task, and impress everyone with how hard of a worker I am and how efficient I can be. So I  was moving moving moving trying to get these files done as quickly as possible and after a day I was exhausted. My cortisol levels were elevated, my adrenaline was elevated, my distress tolerance decreased, I was irritable and flustered. Every time the scanner jammed (which was a lot), and began to beep an alarming and incessant message, I nearly flew into a rage. Repeatedly it would jam, I would sit down to start removing staples from another file, and it would jam again. I would get up, fix it, sit down, and before I removed a single staple it would jam again. Infuriating! It was so impactful on my internal experience that even now as I describe it I am recognizing an elevation in my heart rate. I took that as a message from something greater than me to pay attention to what was happening for me. And I decided that I didn’t want that kind of energy in my body. Those things can do measurable damage to our internal systems, and for what, some files? Most of which will probably never be looked at again? No thanks, not worth it.

So I slowed down. I shifted my beliefs about the process. When the scanner jammed, I let it beep for a second as I organized myself rather than rushing right over. I stopped multitasking, and took on each section of the project in smaller chunks. I lowered my daily goals of the number of files scanned. And it worked. The rage, the frustration, the irritability all went away. In fact I found myself actually enjoying it a bit. There can be something soothing and peaceful in monotony.

This is an example of something small that was relatively easy to recognize and adjust. Our core beliefs are much harder to shift, because they have had years of reinforcement. Being able to identify what our beliefs are in any situation, about anything, can have a direct impact on how we experience the world. Subtle shifts in our thoughts and beliefs can have enormous shifts in our experience of life. It begins with humility, courage and self-awareness.

I’ll leave you with this quote from Mahatma Gandhi: “Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”

Creating Body Awareness

Our emotions begin and often store in our bodies, yet we often don’t even notice it. Developing body awareness of emotional sensations is a skill that takes time and practice. We get so caught up in what our heads and thoughts are doing that we miss the experience of our bodies. Grounding ourselves in our bodies can be an effective way to slow down our parasympathetic nervous system (which manages stress responses. Think: shallow breathing, flushed face, rapid heart rate, tension in muscles, etc). By calming our bodies into a more relaxed state we can become more aware of our present experience and begin to healthily process our emotions and emotional triggers. We move into a space of responding rather than reaction to external stimuli. Developing your body awareness will ultimately help you calm your mind. 

When you are having an intense emotional experience that you would like to understand better, or perhaps be able to communicate to others in a better way, first ask yourself: what emotion am I feeling right now? Secondly, ask yourself: Where do I feel this in my body? Emotions often show up in the core of our bodies (chest and stomach), but could also be in head, throat, or limbs. We could feel tingling in our extremities or a pressure behind our eyes. Notice what your body is telling you, and try to describe the sensation. Where is it? Does is have a quality (sharp, dull, aching, throbbing, etc)? Does it stay in one place or does it move around? Can you visualize a color? A shape? A characteristic?

Here is a helpful body scan meditation script from Greater Good in Action to practice developing body awareness: 

Begin by bringing your attention into your body. 

You can close your eyes if that’s comfortable for you.

You can notice your body seated wherever you’re seated, feeling the weight of your body on the chair, on the floor.

Take a few deep breaths. 

And as you take a deep breath, bring in more oxygen enlivening the body. And as you exhale, have a sense of relaxing more deeply.

You can notice your feet on the floor, notice the sensations of your feet touching the floor. The weight and pressure, vibration, heat. 

You can notice your legs against the chair, pressure, pulsing, heaviness, lightness. 

Notice your back against the chair. 

Bring your attention into your stomach area. If your stomach is tense or tight, let it soften. Take a breath.

Notice your hands. Are your hands tense or tight. See if you can allow them to soften.

Notice your arms. Feel any sensation in your arms. Let your shoulders be soft.

Notice your neck and throat. Let them be soft. Relax.

Soften your jaw. Let your face and facial muscles be soft.

Then notice your whole body present. Take one more breath.

Be aware of your whole body as best you can. Take a breath. And then when you’re ready, you can open your eyes.

Practicing regular body scans and noticing the sensations in your body will help you develop your body awareness, and ultimately help you calm your mind. By noticing the physical sensations of emotions in our bodies as we experience them we move the energy of the experience away from our thoughts and into our bodies, calming the parasympathetic nervous system and practicing self-deescalation.