Change, and How We Do It

We are creatures of habit. In any given day, as much as 40% of choices are made from habit rather than active contemplation.  It is necessary that we operate this way. Our brains are incredible at streamlining information and creating neural pathways that allow for the minimum amount of energy expenditure for an often repeated task or behavior. Think back to the first time you ever backed a car out of the driveway, and of all the things you had to actively focus on to be successful. If we still had to do that, every day, about every thing, we wouldn’t have enough energy to focus.

Unfortunately, this also means that creating change in our lives can be quite challenging at times, because we are essentially having to rewire our brains in order to form new habits. The Transtheoretical Model, which is based on more than two decades of research, states that there are multiple stages of change, and that we can exit and re-enter at any stage.

The first stage of change is the pre-contemplation stage. This is the stage where we are not quite ready to take action in the foreseeable future. We're thinking about it, but we'll get to it later.

The next stage, the contemplation stage, is when we begin to consider the changes we would like to make. We begin to weigh out the pros and cons, and the acute awareness of the consequences of change often causes people to experience a sense of “analysis paralysis,” where they can be stuck in this stage for a long time. This phenomenon is characterized as chronic contemplation or behavioral procrastination.

The next stage of change is preparation, where action is intended in the immediate future. This is the stage where we might join a gym, consult with a counselor, create a business plan, etc. We are taking identifiable action steps toward achieving our goal.

Shortly after the preparation stage we enter the action stage. This is where we begin to make specific modifications in our lifestyle to support the change. We incorporate these changes into our regular routines.

And finally we enter the maintenance stage, where we keep up the lifestyle changes implemented in the action stage and work to prevent relapse into old patterns or behaviors.

New Year’s Resolutions often fail because they don’t address the need to rewire our thinking in order to achieve them, nor the daily and long-term practice required to build habits. Resolutions are often focused on a negative aspect of our lives, or something we want to do less of. Trying to change our default thinking to “just not doing it” effectively strengthens the behavior we are trying to move away from. 

When we commit to change, and practice regularly, eventually the change we create becomes the new habit. But it is a process. It requires time and deliberation. It requires practice and self-compassion. As I mentioned earlier we can hop on and off the stages of change model at any point, and that is okay.

SMART Goals

Recently I talked about the emotional effects of engaging in avoidance to complete daily or weekly tasks. Today let’s talk a little more specifically about goal setting. An important component of goal setting is specificity. While “Improving my Health” is a noble and fantastic goal, it doesn’t do much in the way of offering a road map for how to actually do that. Vague, ambiguous, and lofty goals are great as long-term projections because they leave flexibility for shifting specifically how and what you want to achieve (on top of improved health, or whatever).

Enter SMART goals. SMART is an acronym that stands for specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely. In setting goals if we can aim to make them SMART goals we are much more likely to be successful in actually getting what we want and creating change within our lives. That means that each day, as we structure our to-do list, we have the opportunity to take specific and measurable actions toward our more vague long-term goals. If the goal is to improve health, maybe this week we focus on drinking 64oz of water a day. Or walking for 30 minutes a day. Smaller, specific, bite-sized chunks that keep us moving forward.

Who thought creating a to-do list could be so complicated? Here are a few more components that are thought to help drive productivity and personal success. Research suggests that expressing gratitude on a daily basis in the morning can help you rewire your brain to have a more positive outlook on life. Getting a good night’s sleep will also impact your ability to be successful in the completion of goals. As a mama-to-be, sleep is already elusive, and I believe everyone who says it will only get worse from here until….. well, the rest of my life. So I understand that sleep can be challenging. But there are sleep hygiene habits you can establish to help facilitate better nights, and the benefits are enormous. 

So as you structure each day’s to do list, consider these things: What are your big rocks in life? What small thing can you do today to move toward that? What is getting in the way of achieving your goals?

And as you wrap up each day, cut yourself some slack if you don’t achieve everything you set out to do. Reflect on the day, and the successes (no matter how big or small). What surprising thing happened today? What are you grateful for? What did you learn? 

I am a fan of the Self Journal, a quarterly journal designed to help you achieve your goals with daily space for gratitude and reflection. Calendars on the fridge, notes in a planner, thoughts in a journal…all of these things can also help. Do what works for you. Set yourself up for success, and shine a spotlight on the things that are most important to you.

The takeaway: Successful goal completion lies more in preparation than in execution. Don’t get so distracted by the monotonous day to day activities that you forget what matters most to you. Take small, measurable steps daily toward those things that are important to you. Plan ahead, be prepared, take on your goals in bite-sized chunks. Remember, daily reflection and expression of gratitude goes a long way in moving you toward your long-term goals.

Cultivating a Sense of Self-Efficacy

Cultivating a healthy sense of self-efficacy can be vital in building a sense of stability and confidence in life. How confident do you feel in yourself? How competent? How much do you trust yourself? Consider these questions in specific areas of your life. Do you feel stronger in one area over another? Is your professional sense of self-efficacy thriving while in your personal life you are experience doubt and worry? Self-efficacy moves beyond the limitations of self-esteem, our estimate of worth and how we view ourselves, into our abilities to cope and thrive in the shifting and challenging circumstances of life.

Philosopher Alan Watts states in his lecture on choice: “Worriers are people who think of all the variables beyond there control, what might happen. Choice is the act of hesitation that we make before making a decision. It is a mental wobbling. And so we are always in a dither of doubt as to whether we are behaving the right way, doing the right thing, and so on and so forth, and lack a certain kind of self-confidence. And if you see you lack self-confidence, you will make mistakes through sheer fumbling. If you do have self-confidence you may get away with doing entirely the wrong thing.” 

This is the idea that we can create self-efficacy through believing in ourselves. We make mistakes, we learn, we grow. We learn how to trust ourselves. We learn to trust our intuition. Even if all of the answers are not clear, even if the path before us shady and uncertain, we learn to trust ourselves and our ability to thrive in any circumstance. But it also requires the ability to be honest with ourselves. We all have strengths and struggles. What are yours? What are some of the things that you just aren’t good at?

If you struggle to trust yourself, or to be able to notice your own strengths, start to look at why. Where does that self-judgment come from? Where does that doubt come from? Is it helpful to you? And begin to look at all the ways and times you have been successful in adversity. Celebrate all of the successes no matter how insignificant they may seem. You are strong and possess your own inherent wisdom that you have acquired through all of life’s experiences. Start to trust that. Trust yourself.

Sleep: The Neglected Resource

I did all the wrong things last night, working against my goal of a good night’s sleep. I talked on the phone and browsed social media in bed until midnight. I had a sugary snack late at night. I skipped out on my evening decompression routine. Then, this morning, when I opted to skip the gym and sleep in some more to make up for it, I continued with bad habits. I stayed in bed on my phone. I napped for several hours. I ate in bed again. And all of that added up to me struggling to get out of bed until early afternoon, compromising my productivity and ability to reach the goals I find most important.

While I was wrestling with my own inability to motivate, I found myself justifying: “Your body needs this, clearly! You haven’t rested like this in weeks!” This is true, and my body did need to rest, but the more appropriate and effective rest would have been achieved by following a sleep hygiene routine the night before. I also caught myself in the thinking trap of “You’ll never be able to sleep after the baby comes, so you may as well take advantage now!” Of course I will struggle with sleep after the baby, but I will struggle even more if I fail to maintain a healthy sleep routine.

So what is sleep hygiene? Sleep hygiene is essentially the creation and follow through of routine healthy practices that aid in restorative night sleep. Without realizing it we often engage in activities that work against us in the evening hours, many of which I named in my example above. Research suggests that the blue screen of our phones actually activates the awake receptors in our brains. As the blue light is picked up by special receptors in our eyes, the receptors communicate to our brains that it is morning. Additionally, our thoughts can easily become activated by the content of the material that we are consuming, making it difficult to quiet our mind enough to fall into sleep.

Going to bed at different times each night also poses a challenge to regular sleep, as the natural circadian rhythm (the sleep/wake cycle) of our bodies is impacted by the inconsistency. Going to sleep, and waking up, at around the same time each day helps train our bodies to know intuitively when it is time to go to bed. And eating late at night impacts sleep by causing spikes and crashes in our blood sugar.

Short term effects of poor sleep quality include impacts on mental and emotional functioning, increased irritability, impact on immune system functioning, impacted memory, distraction, and forgetfulness. Long term effects of poor sleep could lead to much more severe consequences including an increased risk for disease, psychosis, and even death.

We all know sleep is important, yet it is still difficult to institute healthy habits and routines that facilitate effective sleep each evening. Here are a few do’s and don’t’s for healthy sleep hygiene habits:

Do:

• Create a regular sleep/wake schedule. Aim to go to bed and wake up at about the same time each day. If you are doing well with this you likely won't even need an alarm.

• Exercise. Even if it is just a 30 minute walk, exercise can have a positive impact on your rest.

• Keep the environment in your room comfortable. This includes temperature, sounds, and light.

• Use your bed only for sleep and sex. 

• Warm bath or shower before bed.

Don't:

• Exercise or engage in stimulating activity just before going to bed.

• Have exposure to bright lights or computer screens in the evening.

• Over-caffeinate, particularly in the afternoon or evening. 

• Read, watch television or use electronic devices in bed.

• Use alcohol to help you sleep – in fact alcohol before bed causes arousals later in the night.

• Go to bed too hungry (causes insomnia) or too full (can cause acid reflux).

• Drink too much water before bed – causes wake-ups to go to the bathroom.

• Take daytime naps – if you have problems initiating or maintaining sleep.

• Command yourself to go to sleep as this can cause performance anxiety leading to further wakefulness.

• Look frequently at your watch or alarm clock – very common cause of insomnia.

If you lie in bed awake for more than 20-30 minutes, get up, go to a different room or different part of the bedroom and participate in a quiet activity (e.g. non-excitable reading or television). Return to bed when you feel sleepy. Do this as many times during the night as needed.